How to Show Your Kids You Love Them (And How It Changed Me)

I’ve always had this picture in my head of the mom I wanted to be.

I wanted to ooze sweetness and love. To be cuddly and affectionate. To absolutely adore my children. I wanted to be patient, fun, kind, calm, and completely unfazed by the chaos of motherhood.

And then I became a mom.

Wake up, crazy! What planet are you living on?!

Have you seen motherhood? The toddler having a meltdown in the grocery store. The baby who wants to be held every second of the day. The toddler begging for another movie. The house that’s constantly a mess. The children who won’t sleep. The babysitters who are impossible to find.

And the exhaustion. Oh, the exhaustion.

Is it any wonder that when moms get together, we so often end up talking about how hard motherhood is? I get it. I really do. Because I was doing it too.

I complained about my kids not sleeping, about how hard potty training was, and about the behaviors that drove me absolutely crazy. I got frustrated. I lost my patience. I yelled.

In fact, I yelled enough that one day my toddler asked me, “Please don’t use your loud voice.”

Ouch.

I had this beautiful vision of the mother I wanted to be, but my everyday reality looked so different. I felt more frustration than adoration. I found myself looking for breaks from my family rather than looking forward to spending time with them.

And that bothered me because I wanted to be that loving, patient, joyful mom. Sometimes I was! I had moments when I showed up exactly how I wanted to. But it wasn’t my everyday reality.

And honestly, where was all that patience and affection supposed to come from? I was exhausted!

Something Started to Change

One day, I came across a post about being intentional in how we respond to our children. It caught my attention. Then I started encountering other ideas about taking ownership of our emotions instead of blaming our children for how we feel. I began realizing that intentional motherhood isn’t about planning every moment perfectly. It’s about choosing how we show up in the moments we’re already living.

Instead of saying, “My kids are making me crazy,” I started thinking about what was happening inside me. Over several months, I kept learning, thinking, and slowly trying to apply what I was discovering.

Eventually, something really important started to sink in.

I am the boss of me.

I choose how I respond. I can become more aware of my mood, my emotions, and the way I’m interacting with my children.

I can’t control everything that happens in my home. I can’t control whether my toddler has a meltdown or whether the baby wakes up five times in one night. But I can work on how I respond to those things. And the more I prepare myself, the more aware I become, and the more I practice, the better choices I can make.

It didn’t mean I suddenly became perfectly patient. It meant I finally started recognizing that I could choose to become the mother I wanted to be, one interaction at a time.

I Wanted My Children to Feel Loved. Always.

As I started paying closer attention to the way I interacted with my kids, I realized something else. My children deserve to feel loved. Always.

I didn’t want them to feel like they were a problem I had to deal with. I didn’t want them to feel like I was bored with them, irritated by their presence, or constantly wishing I could be doing something else. Because sometimes, without meaning to, that’s exactly the message I worried I was sending.

Now, I’m not saying moms should never take breaks. Healthy relationships need space. Kids need independence, and moms do too. Rest is important. Boundaries are important. Sometimes we’re so mentally exhausted by the constant decisions of motherhood that even small requests feel overwhelming. If that sounds familiar, I’ve written about decision fatigue in motherhood and some practical ways to lighten that mental load.

That’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the attitude I was bringing into the moments when I was with my children. Was I constantly wishing I were somewhere else? Or was I choosing to be there with them?

I started realizing that if I wanted to feel more love and adoration for my children, I needed to intentionally express that love. I needed to stop focusing so much on what I wished I could be doing instead and start giving my best to the moment I was actually living.

How I Started Showing My Kids More Love

It started with little things. I told my boys I was proud of them. I cuddled them more, hugged them more, and took the time to read another story. When they asked me to hold them, I tried to hold them. When they wanted my help, I tried to be there.

I started giving more of myself whenever I could. And when I couldn’t, I still set boundaries. Sometimes the answer had to be no. Sometimes I had other things that needed to get done. But I wanted my children to know that even when I couldn’t give them my attention right that second, I still loved them, and I would be there for them again.

As I kept practicing, something beautiful started happening. The more intentionally I expressed my love, the more I felt it.

Not that I hadn’t loved my children before. Of course I had! But I started noticing more things to appreciate about them. I wanted to spend more time with them. I wanted to learn more about motherhood and study ways I could become a better mom for them.

I started telling my children I loved them more often. More intentionally. More specifically. And somehow, I found myself loving them even more.

It didn’t happen overnight. It grew over several months of trying, learning, and practicing. But it changed me.

5 Simple Ways to Show Your Kids You Love Them Every Day

If you’re wondering how to show your kids you love them more intentionally, you don’t need an elaborate activity or a perfectly planned day. I started with ordinary moments that were already happening in our home.

1. Tell Them You’re Proud of Them

Don’t assume your children know how proud you are. Tell them!

Notice their efforts, their kindness, their creativity, and the things they’re learning. Sometimes it’s as simple as saying, “I noticed how hard you worked on that!” or “I’m so proud of how kind you were to your brother.”

You don’t need to wait for a huge accomplishment to celebrate who your children are becoming.

2. Give Them More Physical Affection

Hug them. Cuddle them. Hold their hands. Snuggle up together for a story. I started being more intentional about those little opportunities for affection throughout the day.

Of course, every child is different. Some love cuddles, while others prefer a high five, a silly handshake, or just sitting close together. The point is to express affection in ways your child enjoys.

3. Give Them Your Attention

This one was especially meaningful for me. When my children asked me to read them a story, hold them, or help them with something, I tried to say yes more often.

Not every time. Sometimes dinner really does need to get made! But I started recognizing how many opportunities I had to connect with my children during an ordinary day.

Sometimes all they wanted was a few minutes of my attention. And sometimes those few minutes became my favorite part of the day.

4. Tell Them Specifically Why You Love Them

Of course, I still tell my boys, “I love you!” But I’ve also started being more specific.

“I love spending time with you.”

“I’m so happy I get to be your mom.”

“I love the way you think about things.”

“You are so important to me.”

I also try to remind them that I love them even when they’re having a hard time. They don’t have to earn that love by behaving perfectly. They are loved because they are my children.

5. Let Love Guide Your Boundaries

This is one of the biggest changes I’ve noticed in my own parenting. I used to think of boundaries primarily as something I needed my children to obey. But now I’m trying to remember the love behind those boundaries, and that has changed the way I communicate them.

How Expressing Love Changed the Way I Set Boundaries

Here’s an example of what this looks like in our home.

My toddler loves riding his bike. And in our family, wearing a helmet is a hard-and-fast rule. No helmet? No bike. There are no exceptions.

Now, when my toddler doesn’t want to wear his helmet, I could get frustrated and say, “Because I said so! Stop crying and do what you’re told!”

And believe me, I understand the temptation.

But I’ve been trying something different. Instead, I tell him:

“I love you. You are so important to me. My job is to keep you safe. Do you know how much I love you? Do you know how important you are to me? That’s why wearing your helmet isn’t optional. Because I love you.”

See the difference?

The rule hasn’t changed. I’m still the mom. I’m still setting the boundary. He still has to wear the helmet. But instead of focusing on making him obey me, I’m reminding both of us why that rule exists in the first place.

Love.

And when I approach the conversation that way, I feel calmer. I remember that I’m not trying to control my child just for the sake of being in control. I’m protecting someone I love more than anything.

It doesn’t guarantee that my toddler will suddenly be thrilled about wearing his helmet. He’s still a toddler! But I want him to understand that my boundaries come from a place of love. And I want to remember that too.

I’m learning that loving our children doesn’t mean saying yes to everything. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is hold a firm boundary with patience and kindness. If you’re working on this too, you might enjoy my post about how to set boundaries without crushing your child’s curiosity.

The More Love I Gave, the More Love I Felt

I used to think becoming the mom I wanted to be meant somehow finding more patience, more energy, and more affection inside myself. Like one day I would wake up and magically feel like that sweet, calm, loving mother I had always imagined.

But I’m learning something different. Sometimes, I need to start by choosing how I want to show up. And as I practice those choices, I’m finding that my heart is changing too.

I’m becoming more like the mother I’ve always wanted to be. Not perfectly. Not every minute of every day.

There are still exhausting days. I still need breaks. I still get frustrated, and sometimes I still have to apologize and try again. But I’m learning that one hard moment doesn’t have to define the entire day.

And I don’t have to wait until motherhood feels easy to find joy in it. I can find joy in the motherhood I’m living right now.

Try This Today: Tell Your Kids You Love Them More

I want to invite you to try something. Just for today, be intentional about expressing love to your children.

Not because you’ve been doing anything wrong. Not because you aren’t already a wonderful mother who loves her children deeply. But because sometimes the love we feel inside deserves to be spoken out loud.

Tell your child you’re proud of them. Tell them you love spending time with them. Tell them how happy you are that you get to be their mom. Give them a hug when you pass them in the hallway. Take a moment to really look at them and enjoy who they are.

And when you need to set a boundary, try reminding yourself—and maybe even your child—that your love is part of the reason that boundary exists.

See what happens. Maybe your children will respond differently. Maybe the atmosphere in your home will feel different. Or maybe, like me, you’ll notice something changing inside yourself.

Because I’m discovering that the more intentionally I choose to show my children love, the more joy I find in being their mother.

And isn’t that what we want? Not just to get through motherhood, but to find joy in the motherhood we’re living.