Teaching Baby to Fall Asleep On Their Own

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I want to start off by saying that you and your baby are unique and have your own unique needs! Sleeping patterns included. So whatever you do, don’t feel badly that maybe things just aren’t working the way they did for another child or another mother out there. The best parenting advice I can give is to do what is best for you and your baby. All that said, I find it extremely helpful to have some ideas of what to try, what might work, etc… and that is what I have here for you today. Ideas and tips for teaching YOUR baby to fall asleep on their own — which includes adapting things to meet the needs of you and your baby.

Advice on getting kids to sleep is EVERYWHERE these days. Actually, it’s nothing new. That should be validation that you are not the first parent (and you won’t be the last) to resort to Google searches in an attempt to claim more sleep for baby and yourself. I get it! My first baby didn’t appreciate sleep. Charts and books said that baby should be getting 17 hours of sleep, with 1.5–3 hour naps… you know how it goes. Well, this baby subscribed to the “if I nap at all, it’s better in mommy’s arms or I am only sleeping for 20–30 mins.” Yikes! I was working full time and in my Master’s program… it was so hard! My husband and I spent hours walking in circles, bouncing, soothing, and anything we could think of to get baby to calm and go to sleep, only for a 20‑minute nap.

So insert whatever your unique sleep situation is. It can (and will) get better. I always reassured myself with the reminder that I didn’t know any 6‑year‑olds who needed to be rocked to sleep… so I just had to survive. Hopefully, the tips I share here can cut down the 6‑year timeframe to maybe a few weeks. Your child can learn to sleep independently in a matter of days or weeks. It is possible. And it doesn’t need to involve tears from you or them.

Why Sleep Matters

Okay, so why does this even matter? Aside from your own sanity (which is likely the reason you are looking into this topic in the first place), sleep is so important for baby! That goes for toddlers or young children as well. No matter the age, we need our sleep — ESPECIALLY for the very young developing brain. Let’s chat sleep benefits:

In a 2017 study published by the NIH, researchers reviewed current literature on sleep and cognition (brain development), and their findings indicated a positive association between sleep, memory, language, executive function, and overall cognitive development. That about sums it up! Sleeping helps your baby store memories and develop language skills.

Executive function is talking about a set of higher‑order mental skills that help humans plan, focus, remember information, regulate emotions, and control impulses. These skills are largely governed by the prefrontal cortex (think front of the brain, often referred to as the control center), which develops quickly in infancy and early childhood.

Researchers describe executive function as the brain’s “air traffic control system” — the set of abilities that allow a child to:

Manage attention
Solve problems
Control impulses
Transition between tasks
Regulate emotions
Use working memory to follow steps or routines

Sleep is not just rest for babies — it is an active period of brain development, memory consolidation, and neural organization. Multiple credible studies show that the quality and structure of infant sleep predict later executive functioning.

Sleep Helps Regulate Emotions and Behavior

Executive function is closely tied to emotional regulation. Babies who sleep well tend to have:

More stable moods
Better stress recovery
Smoother transitions
Fewer tantrums

Sleep Drives Brain Growth and Neural Connectivity

Sleep is when babies:

Consolidate memories
Strengthen neural pathways
Build synaptic connections
Process sensory input from the day

These processes are essential for the development of executive function networks.

Why Independent Sleep Then?

So in addition to just sleeping (which are the benefits we just listed above), learning to sleep on their own is also very important for babies.

I add the caveat here, though, that if you have a velcro baby or a barnacle baby (or whatever endearing term you use for these sweet little ones) and you don’t mind it? If you LOVE to rock your babies… love to hold them while they nap… I am not going to be the one to tell you to stop. Love your kids. It is the BEST thing you can do for them. BUT, if you are going crazy because that is not what works for you? These tips are for you!

Basically, when a baby can fall asleep on their own, they can also STAY asleep on their own better. So you will start to see longer stretches of night sleep, better naps, and they should sleep longer in their mornings as well. One of the MANY books I read while trying to figure out sleep pointed out that if a baby falls asleep nursing but then wakes up in the middle of the night, they will want to be nursed again to return to sleep.

I mean, if you fell asleep in a nice cozy bed and were then moved to the floor and woke up… you would likely want to climb back into that bed to doze off once more. Babies are no different. Letting babies fall asleep on their own in their bed just means that if they wake up there, they are more likely to fall back asleep on their own too.

When Babies Can Learn to Fall Asleep on Their Own

As soon as they are ready. There is no magical age for this. I had a baby that didn’t fall asleep on their own until 1 year old (mostly because I wasn’t good at trying) and another who could do it at 3 months MOST of the time. Realistically… it is going to be hard for a baby to fall asleep on their own if they are experiencing:

Discomfort Just like any of us, it is hard to fall asleep if uncomfortable. Teething, gassiness, tight clothes, being too hot or cold… can all make a baby uncomfortable.
Too Much Going On If the environment is too busy, baby can be distracted watching everything and have a hard time falling asleep… or noises may wake them each time they doze off.
Overtiredness If baby stays awake too long (check out my post on sleep windows here), they can become overtired. This includes if they skip a nap or don’t sleep long enough. Being too tired makes our body release adrenaline to try to keep us awake… not helpful for putting a little one to sleep.
Not Being Tired Enough If a baby hasn’t been awake long enough, or played enough… or had enough daylight… then they might just not be ready to sleep yet.

So when the setting is right and baby is ready. How is that for slightly ambiguous? My take?

Pay attention to baby sleep cues. If they have been awake for their wake window (see a chart here) and are acting a little sleepy, now is the time. Make sure they are comfy and in a relatively calm place to sleep. Easier said than done when you have other children, but even a pack‑n‑play in the dining room with the lights off (my solution for baby #2) can be quiet and calm enough. Then lay them down. Let them try it. If it doesn’t work this nap, try again at the next one!

Why Some Babies Struggle With Falling Asleep Independently

So why do some kids struggle so much? A few reasons stick out:

Common sleep associations (rocking, feeding, contact naps)
Developmental leaps and temperament differences
Overtiredness and nap timing issues

With my first child, I was a desperate parent trying to help my gassy, fussy baby sleep at specific times when I had work meetings… so the sleep problems we had then were very likely due to rocking, feeding, and contact naps… all of which I used because I didn’t really have the flexibility for baby to be taught to sleep. Looking back, I wish I had tried and made the time. The investment would have paid off. But I was really averse to sleep training because of the cry‑it‑out method I was familiar with and REFUSED to use. My heart couldn’t take it. I wish I had known that my super active child needed some gentle help and patience as they were learning to sleep. My second was completely different. Because they were their own person and had their unique temperament, and because I knew a little more.

Take inventory of your little one. What is sleep looking like right now? How can you start to migrate toward a calmer environment and more independence?

The Fundamentals of Independent Sleep

Fundamental to independent sleep are a few important factors:

Consistent routines and cues

Baby can do this on their own, and you help them a TON by teaching them when it is time to use this new skill. Keeping things consistent (like environment, a blanky, timing etc..) can help a LOT with independent sleep.

Tip: If you know you are going to travel a lot, try having baby sleep in their portable crib at home too so that it becomes a familiar place even when the location changes.

Age‑appropriate wake windows

Knowing what wake windows are best for you baby based on age is HUGE in helping you to identify when they should be sleeping and start nap time before they become overtired. This is not to say that they are hard and fast… but the reason it is a window is because your baby’s sleep needs should fall somewhere in the timeframe determined for their age. Check out this chart to see what sleep window is right for your baby right now.

Step‑by‑Step Ways to Teach Independent Sleep

There are lots of methods. Here are some I have explored a little:

My chosen method is a mix of a bunch of research ive done.

Start as young as you can.
Put baby in their bed to sleep. Lay baby down when they start acting tired. Newbors to toddlers alike. That is the goal.
It is so tempting to snuggle! I cheat every once in a while and hold them for a nap or rock them to sleep. But MOST of the time as soon as I notice baby is getting tired, I try to lay them down, reassure them, create a calm environment and let them take over.
IF baby is crying (not just fussing a little) I go to them right away and reassure them. Pick them up to calm if needed (for you or them). Then put them back down as soon as possible.
IF baby is fussing and not calming down, reassure them, shhh from the other room etc… and see if they will drift off to sleep.
Give them time. If they are calm, let them takd 10-15 mins to call asleep.
If it isnt working, help them get the sleep they need and try again for the next nap.

Reduce sleep association gradually. IF you have a 9 month old who has nursed to sleep their whole life… well it might not go well if suddenly you refuse to feed them and instead lay them in a cold dark room… okay not really but that is what it will feel like to them! Try to end the nursing session before they fall asleep. Then rock them but no nursing. Take baby steps. They call them that for a reason.

I needed a plan. I will lay my baby down and I will wait 5 minutes UNLESS they are screaming and not calming down. At the end of 5 minutes I can evaluate if I can wait another 5 or If I should intervene. It is amazing how long 5 minutes feels when you are worried about a fussing baby or crying toddler…. but listen to their cries… are they calming down? Then they are learning a new skill! Let them learn to soothe themselves. I couldn’t let them cry to sleep… but with gentle reassurance they will calm down and doze off peacefully.

This might take 2 days or 2 weeks depending on the kid, but gradually increase independence until naps are what you need them to be.

Final Thoughts

Be reassured. Every baby is going to have unique needs and timelines for sleep. Learn all you can about sleep (I tried to give you a great overview here, and if you need more check out my sleep library). Apply what works, adjust to meet your baby’s needs and your needs. If it just isn’t working? Take a week off. Remember teaching sleep is an attempt to make life less stressful. If it is doing the opposite take a break and come back when you are ready. Any baby can learn to sleep. Any parent can teach their baby to sleep too. You’ve got this! Be patient. Keep at it. Love on that little one. It’ll all work out. You will sleep again someday … and soon!

Tham, E. K., Schneider, N., & Broekman, B. F. (2017). Infant sleep and its relation with cognition and growth: a narrative review. Nature and science of sleep, 9, 135–149. https://doi.org/10.2147/NSS.S125992